You don’t want to hear the person sitting next to you on a plane say this…

“I get so sick when I travel. The last plane trip to Abu Dhabi, I got so sick. I just took medication.”

Then, you don’t want the person sitting next to you on a plane to do this…

Babble excessively about her theories of life at the wise old age of 19 to the guy across the aisle, and then take out a quilt-like blanket, pull out the tray table, lie down on it, and drape the blanket over her like a tent before passing out.

Because what’s going to happen?

You’re going to have to go to the bathroom.

My mom and I were flying to England to visit relatives. My mom drinks at least five cups of tea a day and has to have a bathroom break at least four times as often as that. Naturally, we had tea before we got on the plane, and of course, she had to go to the bathroom almost immediately.

Throughout the flight, the woman next to me flung her arms randomly while trying to sleep, almost knocking over the food on my tray. She kept scratching her head, almost like a nervous reaction. But the repeated action filled me with terror thinking she had lice and I was in their jumping distance. When I finally dozed off, I woke to find she’d put her pillow on my shoulder and was sleeping on me. :(  I don’t like strangers touching me.

Halfway through the flight, the itchy pharmaceutical sitting next to me unveiled the tent and dashed out of her seat. My mom practically mowed me down to use her get out of jail free pass to the bathroom. When I walked down, I noticed the bathroom stall read Vacant so I pushed the tiny door in. Who was perched, no hunched, on the toilet? Our seat mate. She slammed the door shut and locked the door so it now read Occupied.

“Mom, you need to book the aisle seat in the future, not the window.”

“You can do that? I just took what they assigned.”

This is from a woman who has flown to London every year or two since she moved to America forty years ago. Apparently, she hasn’t noticed that you can choose a seat—even though you check in on line now and it asks if you’d like to choose a seat. What is this strange speak of seat choosing? Who does that?

You just take what life gives you!

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